The Threads That Hold It Together
Why relationships make change possible (and sustainable)
Welcome Wayfinders 👋to another deep dive into the world of thinking in systems. We’re leaving the straight lines behind and following the squiggles.
Why?
Because people-related change happens in squiggles, through interconnected loops, with unexpected outcomes. It's not neat and linear.
Thinking in straight lines about behaviour is like trying to steer a river with a ruler. You can plan the course, but water (and people) find their own way, shaped by everything around them.
So today in our deep dive we’re talking about one of the most important but often least considered aspects of change - relationships.
Not teamwork, not communication (although they both play a part), but the real, human connections that hold everything together, especially when things get uncomfortable or messy.
In any complex change - whether you’re building something in your community, shifting how your organisation works, or just trying to get a group of people moving in the same direction - relationships matter.
They’re what turns surface-level agreement into real commitment - the difference between ticking the boxes and doing work that actually sticks.
We often focus on strategy, structure, and plans when we’re trying to change something, but it’s relationships that determine whether those plans gain traction. Whether people feel safe enough to say what they really think. Whether learning happens. Whether we stay engaged.
Here’s what we know:
When trust is strong, people are more willing to take risks. They recover from mistakes faster. They try new things, and they’re open to feedback.
When trust is fragile, people play it safe. They stop talking honestly. They wait for someone else to move first.
Think about a time you were part of a project or group where people really got each other, where you could be honest, where people listened, even when they didn’t agree. Chances are that work felt energising, and you got more done, with less drama.
And the reverse is true, too. A group with a great strategy but no trust? That’s when progress feels like wading through mud - or sinking in it.
2. When relationships are genuine, feedback flows both ways. People feel safe enough to say, “This isn’t working,” without fear of blame — and they’re more likely to listen when others say the same. Without that feedback loop, assumptions go unchallenged and small problems grow bigger.
When relationships are shallow, conflict gets buried. Tensions simmer beneath the surface. People nod along in meetings, then vent in the hallway or the group chat. Change slows, not because people don’t care, but because they don’t feel able to disagree out loud.
3. When relationships are strong, people feel responsible with each other, not just to each other. People step in, not just because it’s their job, but because they care about the outcome and each other. You’ll see people pick up loose threads, check in on teammates, or help move something forward even when it’s not “their bit.” They care about the group’s success and trust each other to do the same.
Here are five small-but-mighty relationship tips I’ve found useful, especially when things feel a bit wobbly or unclear.
💡 Five Relationship Tips for Change-Makers
1. Go slow to go far.
Don’t rush straight to outcomes - take time to build rapport. Ask how people are, not just what they think. The work gets easier when people feel seen.
2. Be consistent and clear.
People trust what’s predictable. If you say you’ll consult or follow up, do it. Even small actions, like showing up when you said you would, build credibility.
3. Make room for emotion.
Change stirs feelings like uncertainty, hope, and frustration. Invite those feelings into the conversation, gently. “This feels big” or “I can see this matters to you” goes a long way to build trust.
4. Encourage diverse styles of connection.
People connect differently. Some talk, some observe, some need time. Create multiple ways for people to contribute: conversations, post-its, walks, emails. Be curious about silence.
5. Celebrate what’s going right.
Progress isn’t always linear. Notice the small wins: a tough conversation handled well, a collective laugh, a new idea tested. Relationship-building is not a distraction from the work. It is the work.
This ☝️has been one of my biggest shifts - moving from linear, task-focused thinking to embracing the messiness and humanness of change. The more I’ve paid attention to relationships, the more I’ve realised: that’s where the real work happens.
Next week, we’ll explore learning - not just the formal kind, but the kind that happens through feedback, reflection, and course-correcting together.
Until then, here’s to the power of connection - the thread that holds it all together.
Onwards and upwards,
This week I am…
Getting back into the swing of things after a week exploring outback Queensland on a family holiday adventure
Reading The Dictionary of Lost Words by Pip Williams
Still watching The Blacklist with James Spader (and trying to reconcile this James Spader with the 1980s films I watched as a teen - Pretty in Pink, Mannequin etc) I guess we’ve both got older😉